2011...

well, i suppose i'm a little late to post a new years blog, teehee... i'm so horrible at this... but then again i suppose not really anyone reads this. this is just for me to reflect myself.
so, the new year...
it seems appropriate to first look at the past, right?

2010...
the new year began with the second half of my senior year at NHS. for years i had been dreading the thought of ever leaving Naselle, but by then i was excited to move on (a change that only God could have made in my life). i was looking forward to being an adult and being the woman God wanted me to be, and i was tired of being lonely.
i never connected deeply with really anyone back at home, except for perhaps my family. i love everyone back at home, and i hope to restore relationships with people there, but high school was just survival for me. the people with common interests held different moral values than i did, and the people with the same moral values had different interests than i did. i just never really fit in.
ask anyone back at home and they'd be surprised. i was "popular." i was president of almost every club i was in, i was a leader in youth group, i was prom queen... but i felt alone. i was loved, absolutely. but in a way someone likes a parent. that's a good love, but it's hard to be the person that is only good for giving advice that won't be taken. and it sucks to be that person when it isn't really your role.
i tried to make the best of my situation and keep a positive attitude, but inside i was depressed. all i could think about was to one day meet that knight in shining armor-- or more appropriately, that mr. gene kelley dancing with an umbrella on a rainy day-- but looking back i think i was just wanted someone to love me and make me happy.
i committed myself to not date in high school, but that left me very lonely. it was awkward being friends with guys, especially when they were dating other girls. it was awkward being friends with girls because they either were stuck in boyfriend drama or spent all their time dreaming about being stuck in boyfriend drama.

drama drama drama.

but it's time to quit the whining, because i'm not who i was!

"it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me... and i'm feeling good..."

fall of 2010, i moved to Corban University.

so, here is 2011: what it is so far, and what i would like it to be...

Corban is treating me well. i have loved growing closer to my hall-mates and sisters in Christ on campus, and sadly, even though i have a few guy friends, i do not think i will attain the much desired "ring by spring." but i am shockingly content in my singleness right now. i can only give credit to God for this new found peace inside me. i pray that this peace will continue... because i am loving the single life! Jesus is the best boyfriend- He will never leave you or forsake you! still, it is hard to believe that i am still "alone" (even though i'm really not). my parents were high school sweethearts, and after admiring their relationship my entire life, it is strange to think that i am past that. but i know God has good plans for me, and i'm excited to see what's in store for this time of independence!

even at a Christian school, it is difficult to follow Christ at times. this semester i have made a point of scheduling time for personal devotions, something i failed at last semester. i tried to ride out on complacency and assume that the Bible reading required for my classes was enough. but the Bible is so much more than a textbook. it took a very rocky semester of doubt and disappointment for me to figure that out. anyway (if anyone is reading this) i'd appreciate prayer so i can continue spending time in the Word and in prayer so i can grow. i'd also like prayer to develop deeper Christ-centered relationships. my friends so far have been fun, but not all have been spiritually invigorating. which is okay. God has given me these relationships so i can have joy. but it would be nice for Christ to truly be the focus, not just an unspoken presence.

lately, i've been pondering Romans 12:2. "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will." before, i always looked at this verse as saying we need to be more like God and less like the world... but i'm realizing (or re-realizing) that in order to know the will of God, we must be in line with God. i pray all the time that God will reveal the plans He has for me, but rarely do i clearly see what's in store. but if i daily transform my mind to the will of the Father, then i will understand what He wants me to do, day by day.

my goal for 2011 is to daily be in the Word and in prayer so i can be in line with the will of God. that is how God will give me contentment in my singleness, love in my relationships, peace in my struggles, and joy in all my days. i want to become a prayer warrior, so that when i tell people i am praying for them i can mean it. i want to pray effectively for others and see God change us all because of it.

God changed my life dramatically in 2010. and i can't wait to see how 2011 transpires...